Barely any buzz
Today is International Boyfriend Day.
Yet, there is barely any buzz about it. No flood of statuses. No carefully selected pictures. No long captions about how amazing boyfriends are. No public declarations of love, appreciation, or gratitude.
And honestly, I find that interesting.
Because if the roles were reversed, some men would probably find themselves in trouble for failing to post their girlfriends. A relationship that was perfectly fine yesterday could suddenly become a courtroom case because a man forgot, refused, or simply did not think to put his girlfriend on his status.
"Why didn't you post me?"
"You don't appreciate me."
"Are you hiding me?"
"Who are you trying to impress?"
Suddenly, one social media post becomes evidence in the prosecution of an entire relationship.
Love beyond the audience
This is the hypocrisy in the way we have started navigating relationships and society that continues to baffle me.
We have somehow created a world where expectations are not always mutual, accountability is selective, and the standards we apply to one another depend heavily on who is being judged.
And before someone misunderstands me, this is not about International Boyfriend Day. The day itself is insignificant. What interests me is what our reactions to these things say about us.
We have become obsessed with public validation.
Post me.
Celebrate me.
Show me off.
Prove that you love me.
Make everyone know that I matter to you.
But somewhere along the way, we forgot that love is supposed to exist beyond the audience.
A relationship should not need social media to prove that it is real.
"She was exploring"
And the double standards become even more glaring when we look at how we excuse certain behavior depending on whether the person involved is a man or a woman.
Just the other day, a woman reportedly cheated on her partner shortly before their engagement. Instead of confronting the behavior for what it was, some people were busy dressing it up with language like, "She was exploring."
Exploring?
The audacity of the moral gymnastics we perform in this generation is something else.
Imagine if a man did the exact same thing.
Would we call it "exploring"?
Would we tell his fiancée that he was simply discovering himself?
Would we celebrate his freedom to experience life?
Probably not.
We would have an entirely different vocabulary for him.
He would be called irresponsible, selfish, immature, unfaithful, or worse.
But when it is a woman, suddenly we need a thousand explanations.
"She is just a girl."
"She deserves to experience life."
"She is in her girl era."
"She deserves better."
"She was exploring."
At some point, we have to ask ourselves: Where did accountability go?
The standard should be the standard
And this is where I think we have gotten things terribly wrong.
There is nothing inherently wrong with changing your mind about a relationship. There is nothing wrong with realizing that someone is not right for you. There is nothing wrong with leaving a relationship that no longer serves you.
But there is something fundamentally wrong with hurting someone, betraying their trust, and then manufacturing a fashionable explanation to make the behavior sound acceptable.
If you no longer want someone, leave.
If you are unhappy, communicate.
If you have outgrown the relationship, say so.
If you want something different, be honest about it.
But betrayal does not suddenly become maturity because we give it a trendy name.
And this is not a defense of men behaving badly either.
Men cheat.
Men lie.
Men neglect their partners.
Men fail to communicate.
Men can be emotionally immature.
Men can be terrible partners.
They should be held accountable for those things too.
The point is not that women should be judged more harshly. The point is that the standard should be the standard, regardless of who violated it.
A bad thing does not become less bad because the person who did it is someone we like.
And perhaps that is one of the biggest problems with modern relationships. We have become so committed to defending our side that we have forgotten how to recognize wrong when it happens on our side.
Ideological battlegrounds
Every day, there is a new phrase to explain away questionable behavior.
"I'm in my girl era."
"I deserve better."
"I'm protecting my peace."
"I'm just exploring."
"He should man up."
"I don't owe anyone anything."
"I'm just a girl."
And on the other side:
"She belongs to the streets."
"Women are like this."
"Men are naturally like that."
"He should provide."
"She should submit."
"He needs to man up."
We have turned relationships into ideological battlegrounds where everyone is trying to win an argument instead of trying to build something meaningful.
And perhaps the funniest part is that some of us are learning relationship lessons from people whose relationships we would never want to have.
We listen to people who have never maintained a healthy relationship tell us how relationships should work.
We take advice from people whose only qualification is that they have been hurt before.
We allow TikTok, Instagram, podcasts, and random relationship commentators to define what love, masculinity, femininity, commitment, and happiness should look like.
Then we wonder why people are increasingly confused.
Don't get me started on the parents
And please, don't get me started on the parents.
Because I am beginning to realize that a lot of parents are not teaching their children the basic principles that make society function: respect, accountability, honesty, empathy, responsibility, self-control, and good manners.
The line keeps getting thinner.
Children are growing up believing that every desire deserves validation, every feeling deserves obedience, and every consequence is someone else's fault.
We tell them to "be themselves," but sometimes forget to teach them that being yourself does not mean being inconsiderate.
We teach them confidence but forget humility.
We teach them independence but forget responsibility.
We teach them self-love but sometimes forget empathy.
And now we have adults who believe that protecting their peace means avoiding accountability, that self-worth means never accepting criticism, and that setting boundaries means treating everyone else like an inconvenience.
That is adulthood
It is not all fun and vibes.
Life does not work that way.
Relationships certainly do not work that way.
There are days when love requires patience.
There are days when commitment requires sacrifice.
There are moments when you have to apologize even when your pride tells you not to.
There are moments when you have to listen instead of defending yourself.
There are moments when you have to choose integrity over temporary pleasure.
And there are moments when you have to admit that you were simply wrong.
That is adulthood.
That is maturity.
That is what building something with another human being actually looks like.
To the men who are trying
So, on this International Boyfriend Day, I want to acknowledge the men who are genuinely trying.
The men who wake up every day and carry responsibilities nobody sees.
The men who work, provide, protect, sacrifice, encourage, listen, and keep showing up even when life is beating the hell out of them.
The men who are not perfect but are intentional about becoming better.
The men who love their partners, take care of their families, support their children, and still somehow find the strength to keep moving when nobody is clapping for them.
Happy International Boyfriend Day to those men.
And yes, some of them may be with people who do not fully appreciate what they have.
But perhaps that is also part of the lesson.
Do not allow the noise of this world to convince you that your worth is determined by how loudly someone celebrates you.
Do not confuse public validation with genuine love.
Do not let social media dictate the value of your relationship.
And do not let the hypocrisy of others turn you into someone you are not.
Character over applause
At the end of the day, happiness has become such a complicated word that sometimes I wonder whether we even understand what it means anymore.
We chase attention and call it love.
We chase validation and call it happiness.
We chase freedom without responsibility and call it growth.
We hurt people and call it self-discovery.
We demand grace while refusing to extend it.
We demand understanding while refusing to understand.
Maybe we need to slow down.
Maybe we need fewer slogans and more character.
Less performance and more substance.
Less "I deserve better" and more "Am I also becoming better?"
Less public validation and more private integrity.
Because ultimately, the person you are when nobody is watching is still the person you are.
So, happy International Boyfriend Day.
To the good men, the imperfect men who are trying, the men carrying responsibilities quietly, and the men who continue to show up even when nobody posts about them.
Keep going.
Not because the world will always appreciate you.
But because character should never depend on applause.